Starting a new relationship

Some things are easy about starting a new relationship at my age. I'm happy that first dates are over. I'm glad I don't have to figure out strategy on how to say no to the second date. And I'm content staying home on a Friday night without feeling everyone in the whole world, except me, is out living life.

But other things are more difficult, especially after the end of long-term marriages. We are conditioned to respond and react to one another based on other people. When RL says something that reminds me of my ex, I say something back that never worked in the previous relationship, so it certainly won't work now. The other day when he almost hit a car in a parking lot, I even called him by the ex's name. Not a good thing when starting afresh. He did the same once with me, but he covered it up. He confessed when I felt horrible about my blurt. I felt a little less guilty but nonetheless chagrined.

Today as I emptied the dishwasher I thought about all those things we did with our former spouses. My ex never believed in drying anything with a towel. Everything had to be air dried. I started pulling things out of the dishwasher that were still wet and set them on the counter. Then I wondered what RL would think about the cluttered countertop when he came home.

"Why don't I just use the towel," I thought to myself. It was an "aha" moment. I can use the towel now rather than throw it in. Now the counter is cleared, the dishes are dried, and I am free of ex-husbands and dates.

It really is pretty easy after all.

The dating game

I never thought much about what it would be like to date after my divorce. Maybe some folks think about it, but it was the last thing on my mind. It took me two years to consider it. And when I did. . . Let's just say the results have been something short of spectacular. Mickey Rooney short.

I met the first man while having dinner at a local establishment in Tallahassee. He was here on special assignment for the Marines. I should have known from the first that we probably didn't share many interests when he told me he didn't know Tallahassee was the capital of Florida. He assumed it was Jacksonville. I overlooked it because he was from Georgia, originally from Michigan. The next night I decided we would go to dinner downtown and sit outside at Andrews within view of the tall capitol building - Tallahassee's only sky scraper. I ordered a glass of wine, and he ordered a pitcher of beer.

"So this is where the hoopla took place during the 2000 election. Katherine Harris came down here and the reporters hung out at Andrews," I said.

"Why?"

"The 2000 election? Hanging chads, Al Gore, George W. Bush?" I ventured.

A blank look told me he thought I spoke a foreign language. The waiter deposited my glass of wine and one pitcher of beer with one glass.

I was at a loss, but he filled the gap to tell me about his ex-wife with the crack habit taking care of their 14 year old daughter.

"Do you think I should try for custody?" he asked.

I no longer remember his name; I simply call him Moron, with apologies to anyone this might offend.

The waiter returned, and I hoped to get the check, but my date had other plans.

"This pitcher got warm before I could finish it, so bring me a bucket of beer this time," Prince Charming Moron said.

On his second beer from the bucket, he had another tale to tell.

"My mother and I don't get along," he said.

"Why not?" I asked wondering how to feign the plague so I could get out of this hell.

"Well, back when I used to drink a lot. . ." he began.

I gulped my wine.

"One night I beat up my sister, and my mother had me thrown in jail."

First date ended.