Starting a new relationship

Some things are easy about starting a new relationship at my age. I'm happy that first dates are over. I'm glad I don't have to figure out strategy on how to say no to the second date. And I'm content staying home on a Friday night without feeling everyone in the whole world, except me, is out living life.

But other things are more difficult, especially after the end of long-term marriages. We are conditioned to respond and react to one another based on other people. When RL says something that reminds me of my ex, I say something back that never worked in the previous relationship, so it certainly won't work now. The other day when he almost hit a car in a parking lot, I even called him by the ex's name. Not a good thing when starting afresh. He did the same once with me, but he covered it up. He confessed when I felt horrible about my blurt. I felt a little less guilty but nonetheless chagrined.

Today as I emptied the dishwasher I thought about all those things we did with our former spouses. My ex never believed in drying anything with a towel. Everything had to be air dried. I started pulling things out of the dishwasher that were still wet and set them on the counter. Then I wondered what RL would think about the cluttered countertop when he came home.

"Why don't I just use the towel," I thought to myself. It was an "aha" moment. I can use the towel now rather than throw it in. Now the counter is cleared, the dishes are dried, and I am free of ex-husbands and dates.

It really is pretty easy after all.